Our sick game
by Trapped-in-your-asylum
Summary: "Do you know the best way to make someone fall in love with you, Tom? First give him immense pain- trap him in a maze. Make him wish to die, and that dying is better. Leave him thinking that there's no hope left. And that's the catch. You save him, make him forgive you, then that blinding hate could easily turn into passionate love. That's when I would beat him senseless." Shizaya.
1. Chapter 1

Izaya puked forcefully into the washbasin provided inside the bathroom, his breath stank of alcohol- and his clothes drenched and sticky as he drove his hand to the mirror- to support his staggering figure. A mirthless cackle escaped his lips, not so long ago- he had done the thing that he had wanted to do most. On his pocket was the treasure he wasn't sure he deserve to get, the victory he had not expect to achieve.

Shizuo's wallet.

The wallet of the man he had hated, the man which he can hate with a piercing hatred enough to even bore burnt holes on the ceramic walls with his will alone. The man who had completely ruined his life.

Heiwajima Shizuo.

Ripping the wallet open by force- his eager heart thumping with excitement as his eyes almost jump for a second.

Instead of money, there was only paper bills, receipts and useless papers. Cleverly hidden was a photo of Izaya himself- he snatched it open, behind the photo was a note and a simple, neat handwriting.

'You are simply a 100 years too fast, Izaya kun.'

His legs suddenly felt weak like jelly. Gritting his teeth and tasting the metallic taste on his lips, everything closes on Izaya's mind when he realized all was in vain.

0.0.0

"That was far too mean, Shizuo." Shizuo's guardian, Tom, chided.

Shizuo was sitting on the bar, smoking another pack of cigarette, smirk on his face as he ordered another bottle of sherry. "He deserves it. His way of doing things were way too obvious. I suppose he didn't learn much from the past."

"Say, why do you always concern yourself with him?" Tom asked, "Why don't you let him go? He's already pitiful the way he is."

Shizuo raised his eyebrows, while taking another breath of smoke. "Simple enough, the reason is. He's not pitiful enough. Just consider it my way of expressing my love towards him."

"Do you? Love him?" It was the first time since Tom had came under Shizuo for a job and heard him talk about some obscure stuffs like love.

"Yes. I love him- and hate him. If I was asked to choose to hate or love him more- I would say I detest him so much that I love him. It's an obsession, you know." Shizuo smiled, tracing his fingers to the served glass of sherry.

"That's... interesting." Tom was about to say sick, but refrained. Shizuo had a temper he clearly don't want to mess with. Even though the younger man was clearly very fond of him, yet he didn't want to play some uncertain grounds.

"Is it?" Shizuo sipped the sherry- relishing the slight dizziness, the effect alcohol have on him was intoxicating- to say the most. "I'm a sick man, I know that far too well. Izaya always says that I was the one who ruined his life- he's mistaken. It's all his own fault. He angers me, you know what kind of a man I am when angered, don't you? The biggest mistake he made was to make me fall for him. I wonder how he's looking right now- more beautiful than anything is that sight of him- losing all hope and meeting the dead end of a carefully woven plan."

"You're a sadist, aren't you?" Tom grinned, looking at him.

"I'm not the sadist- actually. I never intended to be. But looking him losing everything arouses me and an intense joy that would consume me like an addiction, I simply cannot resist."

"The cycle that never ends eh? Life consists of many patterns like that." Tom commented, sipping his glass of beer gleefully.

"I have another game." Shizuo suddenly decides- his eyes glowing in one a drunk stupor. "He would enjoy it, because this time it would break him harder than ever before."

"What game?"

"A love game. I'll lure him to love me and I'll toss him away." The gleam in Shizuo's eyes were serious. "Do you know the best way to make someone fall in love with you, Tom? First give him immense pain- trap him in a maze. Make him wish to die, and that dying is better. Leave him thinking that there's no hope left. And that's the catch. You save him, make him forgive you, then that blinding hate could easily turn into passionate love. That's when I would beat him senseless."

Tom didn't say anything. Suddenly, he felt pity for the young man whose demise was deliberately planned.

0.0.0


	2. Chapter 2

A.N= Woohoo! So many reviews, I'm so happy. :D. Enjoy this chapter.

Pairings= Shizaya, obviously

Warnings= M rated, BL

Disclaimer= I don't own Durarara and its characters.

Chapter 1.

Start of a plan

Izaya felt really tired- his eyes stinging with lack of sleep and his body felt numb from over exhaustion, as if some huge burden was lying on his back- sometimes, he thought he could be like Atlas, to carry the whole earth on his back- but now he simply cannot carry any more. Reaching his pocket to find his key- he lamented the fact that he is now living in some small dingy apartment with a hideous landlady to scream off his ears, his stomach churning wildly with anger as the previous memory of disappointment weighed down his mind- that was when he realized that he hadn't had any breakfast- let alone supper, dinner and lunch.

Fuck you, Shizu chan.

Gripping with all his might the metal handle of the door- in a vain attempt to release his anger, he entered his room, brashly. Don't lose your calm, Izaya- don't, no matter what happens. He repeated to himself mentally. He breathes in and breathes out. Everything is fine, yes, it will be fine.

A painful grasp on his waist wakened a jolt in his body- almost like the slither of a snake as soon as he set another foot inside the house. A hand grabbing his waist with force, accompanied with the silky voice crawling lazily like a serpent on his bare nape.

"Did you find what you want to find in my wallet, hm?"

It was Shizuo.

Damn, damn, fuck. As if all that wasn't enough shit for him- had the blond came here to mock and torture him, yet again?

Izaya yanked his body backwards yet the strength by which Shizuo now seized his grasp was far too strong and he can't resist. "Shizu-chan, fuck- release me."

"I didn't hear the word 'please'."

"Like I would ever say that to you." Izaya hissed and spat at Shizuo's face- the hatred forming a painful lump in his throat.

Shizuo doesn't seem exactly pleased by that- pinning a defenseless Izaya to the wall and relishing the loud impact it made, he spoke softly. "You've not learned, Izaya kun. You should have known what would happen if you make me angry- All those years and you never learned."

"I hate you- go die, Shizu chan." Izaya yelled- another flash of a second, he felt the torrent of Shizuo's tongue swallowing his completely. All those intricate motions formed like a complete expert- where the hell did the mindless brute learn that?

Izaya realized that he did not want to know.

The kiss was not a sweet one, and it is a far call from being chaste. It was not a kiss to express love and sweet longing, but a kiss which speaks of destruction and war. Like hell Izaya would let himself be completely dominated.

For ones, Shizuo could never restrain a leash on his tongue.

This is another battle he should undertake, and this one he shall win.

Completely pinned in the wall- Izaya's tongue attempt to collide with Shizuo's. After all- it's the last potent weapon left in him, and Izaya was nothing if not an opportunist. He could rule Shizuo once he found him weak- and the pain would end and he would stab the blond he hated with all his soul to death.

It was a decorous battle. Only a fraction of time took Shizuo to realize that Izaya was responding just as passionately to his kiss, and suddenly he felt like laughing aloud. That's what you think- Izaya? Do you think I'll fall for your stupid, gullible charade and take this for real? I'm the only one who knows who you are, what you are. But I'm going to play this game if you want to play it that way- just because I love you.

He released Izaya's hand from his grasp, now pushing the fragile body closer to him, his tongue traveling down Izaya's neck and watching with pleasure the struggle Izaya attempted not to moan, his cheeks was flushing already. That must feel awful right- to be so aroused by the man you claim to hate- to feel the tingling sensation between your thighs but having to resist it?

"Izaya-" Shizuo whispered hoarsely as he bit his ear, noting blankly the redness in those delicious looking ears. "You desire me- You're such a silly little hypocrite."

"I don't- I hate you!" Izaya's shirt was ripped open, revealing his two pink nipples- his body revealed to the harsh and cold air of the room in such an obscene manner- it's so shameful and dirty. It revealed blatantly the gaping holes of Izaya's lies.

"Look at it, Izaya- the reality- you're hard." Shizuo commented, a malicious grin on his face.

"I'm not!" The denial was thick on his voice- the shade of scarlet descending deeper and further- tears were gathering around his eyes as he grit his lips to restrain them. Fuck no, he's not going to cry- not over such a trivial thing.

"Was that tears on the edge of your eyes?" Shizuo laughed with a mocking and domineering gaze- he was judging Izaya- "Well, Izaya. I'm not going to do you- anyway. So stop crying."

Shizuo knew the statement would hurt Izaya most in this situation. Attention whore as Izaya is, he knew that the raven haired man would be depressed- to know that he had no selling points. Just another perks he notice about him. The kind of man Izaya is would crawl for attention anywhere, the insecure bastard he is.

Izaya ran to the bathroom as soon as Shizuo released his grip from his wrist, pushing Shizuo when he's still dazed and less aware that his prey is running. But that was simply a pretension- he knew what was happening, and he lets it happens.

Shizuo didn't feel offended about this action- in fact; this was the one action that proves his victory in his game. Walking calmly to the bathroom door, he smirked at himself- knowing that this is but the beginning. And the plan had yet to begun.

"Izaya. I'm sorry I won't do you. I'm glad you can do yourself."

The curse flies loudly across as he went away from Izaya's dingy apartment. And beyond the doors of the bathroom locked shut- was Izaya's painful erection as he muttered hornily.

"Fuck, Shizu chan." Tears now flowed freely down his cheeks, "Fuck you- I hate you so much I could die."

With a rush of lust- his fingers comforted the painful with rhythmic pumps- irresistible urge to come as his minds were overcome with anger and touch of revenge, Izaya finally dropped into the floor- the wetness coming over the marble ceramic. Exhausted even more his thought surrounds the blond man he hates and desires.

"Fuck you, Shizu chan."

A.N= Read and review. Updates will come faster that way J


	3. Chapter 3

A.N= Thanks UchihaXSarah, blackkitty27, seika19, Guess, DreamGamer, BreeBBreakDance, Eloda, Anon-again, Cj Quinn for reviewing so far. Enjoy this chapter. Everybody was wondering why Shizuo became like that, here's the explanation.

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.

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Chapter 2. The Indignant Marionette

As the liquid on his thighs flowed slowly down the ceramic floor, Izaya exhausted- found his eyes aimlessly wandering around- tracing the senseless blurs on the ragged and worn walls- exactly complementing the state he was in. He himself felt like laughing the way the things had turned out, just a year ago, he was the crowned monarch of Ikebukuro- anything he wants would be done, any plan of his would have succeeded impeccably. Just like a puppeteer, the whole world was simply a stage where he would move his puppets, marionettes who have no wills.

Yet it was he who was now reduced to a simple puppet, trapped too deeply in the cobweb of a slier mastermind.

That was the only thing he didn't succeed to predict, the only thing that escapes his mind- that anomaly known as Heiwajima Shizuo. Once in a throng of boredom, he had chosen the blond as a play-thing, isn't it suitable, playing with Shizuo was almost like playing with a lighted fuse- knowing it could blow anytime, it was so much fun- for a second it makes him thing he was a lesser being than a god, that something exists that he could not predict. He had led Shizu chan to many things, rob him from his jobs, force him to use the violence he had hated so much- yet one thing had escaped his notice- the fatal flaw that would drown him to the series of his present misfortunes.

'_You're the one who brought it to yourself, right- Izaya?_'

He never knew that he had played with the fuse too far to make it break- once he had brought Shizuo to a warehouse- ancient and abandoned in one of their game of tags- both of them had been panting, both of them exhausted, which was a rare thing.

_"Ne, Shizu chan. You're such a monster."_

_"You're worse than a monster, flea. You have no right to exist."  
_

_They were driven into a secluded corner, a corner where no one would see, and Izaya knew what to do. It was a whole new game from here on. Catching a fierce looking Shizuo by the collar- he drove his tongue inside the other man's mouth- relishing the shocked expression in the mocha brown eyes. Little did he expect for Shizuo to kiss back just as forcefully- his fingers rushing to drove his hands very gently over Izaya's cheek- now this was something he had not expected.  
_

_"Izaya." The name came like a gasp amongst the kiss- but in the name was a sound of reverence and lust, thick with some unnamed feeling. "Izaya- Izaya."  
_

_Shizuo looked at him with a look thoroughly foreign on the brute's face. It was something that looked like gentleness that had sprung out of pain, of denial and of lies. "Izaya- I love you." There was a stress in his voice- something that put Izaya overwhelmed to fear. "I don't know why, I hate you- but I love you. I desire you."  
_

_"The hell, Shizu-chan?" The softness and the protectiveness when Shizuo held him like some delicate and precious object creeps him out. No one had ever loved Orihara Izaya before- sure many girls confessed to him, but it was only because of his face and their own vanity. But this kind of confession- of love and hate at the same time makes him step back emotionally.  
_

_And that was when the worst idea sprang on his mind. Play with Shizuo's feelings.  
_

_He let their lips brush with each other- friction fizzling up deliciously as he would himself surrender to Shizuo, all his hate and desire he lets out.  
_

_Shizuo never stop murmuring as he hugged Izaya, a smile frozen still on his face as he repeated again and again. "I love you- I love you."  
_

_The worst mistake Izaya did was to play with Shizuo's feelings.  
_

Now he didn't only regret it- but dreaded Shizuo's feelings immensely. He wasn't aware that when he said to Shizuo that it was a game and he was just playing with Shizuo's feelings because he's so worthless, only then did he realize that he had stepped on an irreversible land mine.

What happened at that time was scarier than even multiple explosions or craps like throwing stuffs abroad, the horrible thing that happened was that Shizuo accepted the fact silently- his face inscrutable and a thin smile formed on his lips as the first dice was thrown and Izaya's hell began.

As if in an unbelievable rush- Shizuo became a genius far slier and more cunning than Izaya had once been.

He seized the Ikebukuro stocks- makes strong relationships with the color gangs in Ikebukuro and even yakuzas like Awakusu. He let Izaya know that he wasn't a mindless brute and how love could change him so drastically. He manipulated the stocks that he obtained more wealth than Izaya had ever acquired, every actions were measured with precision, and every steps planned to bits. He no longer lost his anger- except during his rare encounter with Izaya.

Izaya had ignored that- he didn't want to have any part on the politics of that, for the first time. That was another wrong move he had executed.

In a few months, his customers stops dealing with him- tied with fear and respect to the new ruler of Ikebukuro. Shizuo himself acquired a lot of loyal followers, even his previous employer Tom. Shizuo hold all the guns and money in Ikebukuro- and Izaya was reduced to having nothing to eat at all- except consolation scraps of breakfast Shizuo would sent him regularly, as if to make him realize that he was held on his string.

His previous apartment was seized by force- and he was left with no choice but to leave.

But he had chosen to accept it, after all, this was his life now.

And life goes on.

0.0.0

Shizuo shrugged as he filed up the final registrations needed to executed his plan. The lamp illuminated the face that was devoid of pain but only of accomplishment. He had finally found the thing he had wanted to do in life. It was the purpose he had been seeking- those sleepless nights he had spent after Izaya's cruel rejections were to be paid in full sum.

A knock at his office's door makes him smile.

The actors had now been assembled. Entering the scene was Awakusu Kai's Executive Shiki, trimmed and looking his best, the man was to be his partner in crime.

"Do you know what you're to do?"

"Yes. I do."

"I want you to make sure that he's to be kicked out from that apartment. That dingy apartment is a part of the Awakusu's jurisdiction right?"

"Yes."

"I want him to be cold in the streets, and that's when I'll offer him to sleep in my house."

"I understand. In return-"

"Yes, I'll pay you the sum you have requested and promise never to mess with Awakusu Corporation and be their ally."

"Then we've signed ourselves a deal."

Shiki stopped for a while as he turned towards the door, a smirk playing on his lips for a while before he spoke, "Do you want our men to beat him up?"

"Sure. If it pleases you." Shizuo said, smirking.

The more Izaya is in pain, the easier it is to execute the plan.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Lips pursed in disdain

There were birds chirping outside- some thread of consciousness in Izaya's mind barely registered it as he felt a distant grumble in his stomach. Come to think of it- when was the last time that he ate something? It doesn't matter- there was no longer any food on his refrigerator and he had only meager change money on his jean's pocket. He ran a finger down his wet hair- covered with sweat and somewhat oily, the sunlight jutting out from the window trails dimly reminding him that the morning has came. No matter what happens- whether he dies or not- the dawn will still come, Izaya find himself a bit perturbed at the thought that that's just how insignificant his presence is in the world.

The loud bang jolted him upright. This was reality- you need to accept it, Orihara Izaya.

Now- who is it that disturbed him early in the morning?

Probably the landlady.

Sighing- he picked up his coat- the only remnant of his former glory and went to the door.

"Orihara san! Open up!"

Turns out he was right, this is the shrilly and naggy voice of the landlady- a worn out ex prostitute who had grown used to leaving her golden days, she now makes her living by renting shabby apartments to people who had no money, which it appears- was what the Great Informant had been reduced to.

Except now the landlady was not alone- she was accompanied by men in black suits- their eyes piercing and cold under their sunglasses. The Awakusu-kais, Izaya duly noted.

"What do you want?" Izaya asked- he was always good at creeping under people's skin, and he knew this was the men he used to deal with- the men whose secrets are still in his grasp. And probably he could retain his old persona.

"I always knew you're up to no good, you damn Orihara!" It was the landlady who spoke- her makeup thick and her face wearied with age. While women usually made that comment due to the delusion that their intuition were somehow higher than men, this woman only made the comment to spite Izaya for rejecting her sultry advances.

"Excuse me?"

"Orders from Above, Orihara san." The man said- known as Kitaoji Takada- he was a middle aged man with a thick mustache who works directly under Shiki- his tone was professional, but there was an undertone of malice beneath it. It comes to no surprise to Izaya since he had literally wrecked all chances of having a decent life, only a few months ago he had leaked the man's personal cuckoldry issues to the man's wife- resulting in two of them divorcing. "The time had come for you to pay your debts."

"What... do you mean?" Izaya asked cautiously.

"We will seize this apartment of yours." The tone was final.

"But- why?" Izaya tried so hard not to sound pathetic, but even his voice was wavering.

"You used to be smarter than that." A snicker.

"Did Shizuo ask you to do this?" Izaya asked- how much did the blond need to wreck his life till his satisfied?

"Unfortunately, it's not your place to ask questions." The man's lips widened into an ugly smile- malicious and sadistic. "You thought it was funny- wasn't it? When I divorced with my wife, do you know how much the alimony and the divorce costed me? And my children are now moaning for their mother?"

"Its not my fault." Izaya said defensively, "She asked for the information- I am simply an informant, i gave her what she asked for."

"A good excuse." The man laughed mirthlessly, clapping his hands. "I wonder if that would work as my excuse as well."

"Takada san. Don't do this. I still hold information about Awakusu which will put the company in terrible danger." Izaya said- he need something to bargain with.

Kitaoji looked around and saw a peaceful place with a few passerby, it won't do here. He signaled to his men to bring Izaya to the designated place.

"Its not good to speak here. This place is too crowded." Kitaoji eerily suggested, wearing a broad smile.

With that he walked to the abandoned warehouse as Izaya was dragged forcefully into the building.

xxx

The warehouse had been unused for years, and it seemed emptier now, with broken fans and dim lighting from the ventilation's railing. It's wide and yet its suffocating, Izaya knew he was trapped.

Kitaoji cupped Izaya's eyes and pinned his neck to the hard wall- Izaya would have fought back if he had any energy- but he felt so horribly hungry that he couldn't summon any power to resist.

"Heh, the only good thing about you is probably your face." Kitaoji said, trailing kisses down Izaya's neck.

Fuck- Izaya thought- I had totally forgotten the man was gay.

"Don't." Izaya muttered between his disgusted moans- no, he couldn't think it was better if Shizuo had touched him, no because the brute is far worse. "Don't touch me!" Don't touch me, don't you dare touch the parts where Shizuo had touched me. He felt he was crushed from the inside- the pain with no pleasure, the disgust with no desire.

"You don't have a choice." The man snickered, his breath panting and close to Izaya's ears. Izaya never felt more disgusted. "Boys- I'll let you all take turns. Let's have his ass whipped, literally. I'm going inside you- and there's no lube. Know what I mean." The other agents laughed, maybe following Kitaoji wasn't such a bad idea.

"You fucking rapist!" Izaya shouted as his arms were pinned to the wall.

"I enjoy your expression. You like toying with people, don't you? Why don't you become my 'toy'?" Kitaoji murmured, inserting a finger to Izaya's ass.

"Fuck- ahh!" Izaya moaned, he didn't want this. "don't please-" His tears were flowing down his eyes, the pain was not accompanied with pleasure, and he felt like puking on the ground.

Shizuo- Shizuo.

Black hair covering Izaya's pained expression as the man thrusted his dick on his ass- Izaya felt like collapsing out the pain, the last time he had sex was with Shizuo- when it all started falling down. Mocha eyes staring down at him coldly, and those hands probing his whole body- the man he had deceived.

The rhythmic thrust didn't faze but Izaya found himself holding a weight above him- Kitaoji was also moaning with pleasure.

And that is exactly why his wife had divorced him.

"Shizuo!" The name came out of his lips- desperately, involuntarily, honestly, "Shizuo- Shizu chan!"

Izaya was crying- he was lying broken in the ground speaking the name of his enemy- longing for the blond so desperately. For someone- anyone to save him from this hell.

"You look prettier when you cry-" Kitaoji said- "You looked like a ragged doll. Feel the pain jolted up your ass, you're such a bitch- Orihara Izaya."

The next second, an unexpected thing happened, a flash of a man flying down- Kitaoji was punched and was lying unconscious on the other side of the wall- and the light was dimming as Izaya felt like he really is getting sick. He knew he was dreaming- because it is Shizuo- coming to save him.

Shizuo's warm hand crept up Izaya's cheeks, cupping it gently- the mocha eyes watching him carefully- as if he was afraid Izaya is going to break, as if he really cared.

"Izaya." The syllable of his name never sounded so painful- so beautiful. "Are you alright?"

Izaya shuddered, afraid, he was running away from Shizuo- this is not Shizuo- he's not. The man he hated- his very instincts told him to ran away- he was filled with an unknown horror- a terror, Izaya blindly ran till he reached the wall, then his knees buckled down, and Shizuo very gently hugged him.

"Sssh." Shizuo hugged him, tightly and rubbing his hair as if he was a little kid. "Are you scared? Don't worry, Izaya."

"The touch- don't touch me. I'm dirty and foul." Izaya whispered, its true- that man had just claimed his body. "Don't hurt me. I hate you."

Shizuo simply kissed his hair and stroke his cheeks and continue to hug him, "I won't hurt you- Izaya. Not again."

At such cruel and gentle words, Izaya felt himself unable to cup up the tears- and while Shizuo's lips broke into a satisfied smile- Orihara Izaya- for the first time in his life, cried in front of someone- sobbed in someone's arms.

Fate is cruel. But so are humans.

Shizuo knew what would happened after this- yet he doesn't hesitate.


	5. Chapter 5

So the game had finally started, Shizuo smirked as he was smoking in his own car- Tom driving directly to his apartment, Izaya was sleeping soundly in the seat beside him- breathing in and out, now and then shuddering and trembling. He never knew Izaya could seem so... vulnerable- it was cute and endearing at the same time.

But it was no surprise considering what had been done to him.

He stroke Izaya's cheek gently- feeling its warmth- its contours, Izaya shuddered a bit- tears started flowing from his eyes.

"Shizu- help.." Izaya murmured in his sleep- his hands reaching for Shizuo's arm and his head snuggling deeper to Shizuo's embrace, Shizuo meanwhile was shocked- as if his heart just leaped and stopped for a second.

Did Orihara Izaya- the flea that hated him just called for his help?

Fate surely is strange.

Shizuo calmly embrace Izaya and proceed on kissing his cheek- feeling the remnants of the tears that had flowed so heavily- while giving himself away just for a moment, Izaya is vulnerable right now- he can't hurt him right now- not like that when he broke his heart overnight.

A cold fury bubbled in Shizuo's chest as he remembered- that night, he felt totally numb, as if he had been struck by a lightning. This revenge will be worth it. He will hurt Izaya like he has been hurt.

Izaya is just vulnerable right now- he only reached for Shizuo because he had no other option- nobody else to turn to.

Not because he cared for Shizuo.

His plan is still on.

On the front seat- Tom's face looked very pensive, eyeing the couple at the back of the seat- he knew it won't end well, he just hoped that both of them wasn't just playing an endless game of chase- only to be licked aflame by the fires of fate, by the ire of a twisted love- ending up hopeless- like the moth burned in the pyre of divine light.

* * *

When Izaya woke up in a totally unfamiliar room- he felt his body tensing in reflex- where was he before? What was his last memory?

He had been raped- Shizuo had saved him- the knowledge descended to him and choked him. It wasn't as if he was a virgin- he had done it before- with Shizuo and many others- with men he didn't love- but back then, he did not feel pain- he did not feel disgust. Now it seemed like he had been drowned in slimy mud and it felt as if he was dirty- he is dirty.

The single bed he was lying on was of good quality- soft swan feathers like those he used to sleep on before his downfall.

He inspected the room- everything seemed so clean- neat and well- organized. The furnitures weren't superfluous- the turquoise wallpaper seemed almost serene.

Cautiously, he walked on the marble floor- seemed so shiny as he walked out of the door.

The sight that greeted him as he opened the door was surprising.

It was an ordinary living room- granted. With a television and sofas to watch the screen. The thing that surprised him is the fact that he saw Shizuo- his body curled, sleeping in the couch.

Did Shizuo... just sacrificed his bed for him?

The little gentle act was enough to make Izaya feel guilt gnawing at him.

A shift in the couch was enough to make Izaya almost jump in surprise.

"Izaya?" A sleepy voice inquired, Shizuo's baritone voice had never sounded this gentle. "Are you awake already?"

Izaya shifted uncomfortably- he didn't know how to treat the man who had just saved him- the man who had ruined his life. He didn't answer.

"Are you alright?" Shizuo rose up from his couch- his eyes searching something from Izaya's face.

Izaya gave him a small nod- his stomach letting out a small growl.

"Ah- you're hungry." Shizuo smiled.

Izaya flushed in shame, he shouldn't have been this pathetic. His skin bristled when Shizuo passed through him- his instincts impulsively backing away from the man. Shizuo looked at him for a moment- there was something that looked like sadness and disappointment in those familiar mocha brown eyes- again Izaya felt guilt gnawing at him. This shouldn't be Shizuo- who is this man who acts so kind to him?

"I have prepared ootoro for you, in case you wake up and want some food. You like them right?" Shizuo asked him, "Or do you want to take a bath first?"

Did Izaya really smell that bad? Izaya found himself biting his cheek while swallowing his shame.

Shizuo had a smile that bordered into a smug smirk. "No- you don't smell that bad. I've asked Shinra to treat you- he left just an hour ago. But I assume you would want a bath to be more comfortable."

The brute was still inside Shizuo- Izaya thought in relief. That lack of sensitivity. At least he's still Shizuo.

"I'll take the bath." Izaya said.

"Its right on your left. You can use my spare towels." Shizuo said, "I'll prepare the ootoro for you."

"Shi-"

"Hm?"

"Did you just hit your head?" Izaya can't resist it- the curiosity and all the odd pieces of puzzles, they seemed mismatched. There must be a reason behind this.

"No. I just realized how precious you really are to me." Shizuo worded it slow enough for Izaya to process it- indifferently he walked to the kitchen, even without seeing the ex-informant, he knew the man is blushing and that his plan is going really, really well.

This time Izaya would break.

And no one will be left to collect those fragments.

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There, new chapter. As always read and review. :D


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. Emotional Dissonance

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Thanks for the many reviews. I'm so happy :D. And to answer Blood in the Water's question: While some of Shizuo's pleasure in tormenting Izaya might be sexual; most is emotional pleasure; a result of Izaya once playing with his feelings; he wants Izaya to understand the way he felt at that time. And Shizuo being OOC by being smart and all is to keep the plot going, I believe in human potential, and that Shizuo isn't that stupid once he's dedicated in something.

Say, reviewers, would you rather I update in long chapters in a longer time, or short chapters in a faster rate of time?

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Izaya felt the warmth of liquid water from the shower lurking and seeping through his skin, traveling down his milky-colored body- bits by bits- rolling down like pearls. He closed his eyes- concentrating on the warm water that purges him from the dirtiness he can't escape from. Since before he felt as if he had been seized by something, his throat felt like he had been choked, he felt as if his chest was full; of some unnamed emotion- something horribly foreign that he did not know. His face burns.

Then he remembered Shizuo; Shizuo and his kindly act, Shizuo the man he hates. Suddenly, he felt so dizzy, his knees buckling down- the water still pouring down to him. His mind refuses to think; everything's happening so fast, he can't really keep up.

A wave of nausea hits him. He truly felt like crying, he didn't know why; but he could not.

The tears simply wouldn't fall.

His body felt hot. His mind swirling; maybe its an after-effect of the raping incident. Maybe Shinra gave him some wrong medicine. Maybe Shizuo poisoned him.

Yes, that would make sense.

Shizuo should hate him; under the name of everything logical, under the voice of reason, there should be no other emotion he should be able to summon for Izaya.

Shizuo's voice almost make Izaya's heart stop. "Izaya- are you okay in there?" A command. His voice sounds like a command. It pisses Izaya for no reason.

"Don't enter." Izaya's voice came out in a croak-no matter how horrible he's feeling, he did not want Shizuo to come in. He did not want Shizuo to see how weak he is again, he did not want Shizuo to see the hardness between his groins. Because that would be unacceptable.

It is torturing enough that Izaya had to be pitied by Shizuo.

Maybe Shizuo is just playing with him, for revenge.

The door banged loudly and showed Shizuo- Shizuo was not smirking, he looks genuinely worried- his eyes looked pained. In a flash of second, he was beside Izaya, cradling his body like he's some precious object- like a mom cuddling her baby. Izaya could feel the roughness of Shizuo's hot lips trailing his cheeks, trailing his neck, his voice desperate against his skin. "What happened, Izaya? You... are you crying?"

No, Izaya wanted to scream. He's not crying. There's no fucking way he's crying. He isn't some weak dipshit, he was Orihara Izaya- he is Orihara Izaya, for God's sake. "Its the shower, Shizu-chan. The shower is flowing through my eyes." His voice sounded oddly defiant, as if he was fighting against something. "No- no fucking way I would be crying, no, not in front of yo-"

His words were stopped by a kiss- the kiss was chaste, gentle yet needy. He closed his eyes as if by instinct, when he opened it again, he saw mocha brown. Shizuo too seemed to be suffering. That should make Izaya happy; the man he hates is suffering. Yet a pressure crushed his lungs, he pressed his lips hard against Shizuo; as if trying to solve some puzzle- knowing he actually knew it all along, he reached for Shizuo.

Both of them clashed, lips colliding passionately- its no longer a battle, more like a dance of serpents- the fire burning inside Izaya's body getting stronger by second. Both of them did not mind the fact that they're drenched and wet and hard, both of them just went by the moment- leaving for once their will and surrender to the overpowering desire. It felt right; Izaya closed his eyes, the raw desire for Shizuo's lips and the way he bit Shizuo's lips causing him to feel dizzier with some heavy longing, drawing blood and scarlet from the blond's lips, gives him pleasure.

He want Shizuo to break, he want Shizuo to break him. He wants to be broken.

He reached for Shizuo, their lips were touching, his fingers were reaching to cup Shizuo's face; and for a moment he wants it to stay that way.

Mocha eyes were staring to scarlet.

Izaya kept touching the edges of Shizuo's chin- with both hands, both hands were trembling; he could feel Shizuo's breath on him, "I don't love you." He sounded like he's convincing himself. Shizuo's expression did not change, the brown eyes still staring at him.

The bruised lips suddenly morphed, catching Izaya by surprise and fear. A gentle smile, gentle eyes, and a gentle voice, "I love you, Izaya. For now and forever, I don't think there would be anything I love more than you."

Before Izaya could have any chance to reply- before he could say anything- Shizuo swooped him up, carrying him in a hug.

"Come on, here. We won't want you to be sick right?"

He's tormented, he wants to puke. Yet he just curled his arms around Shizuo's shoulder. Like a little dog.

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The silence was deafening.

Shizuo's quietly drying Izaya's hair with a hairdryer, with Izaya sitting quietly, the food in front of him looking very delicious and tempting and untouched. When Shizuo had helped to dress Izaya up, he pretended he did not notice the hardness in Izaya's groins. The moment he was finished drying the brunette's hair, he saw Izaya picked up his chopsticks, his expression looking oddly forlorn, he reached for a piece of ootoro to eat.

"What actually happen, Izaya?" Shizuo casually asks- breaking the tension of the silence, trying to sound like he actually cared. "Are you not feeling well?"

He knew exactly what was ailing Izaya; he knew, as much as he felt the own unease between his thighs. Izaya wanted release.

Izaya did not answer. He's munching the ootoro, savoring the taste of his favorite meal, yet it was evident that he was not enjoying the food; not as he used to do. "I hate you, Shizu-chan." It came out of his mouth like a mantra, his face looking thoughtful and somber as he said it. He looked as if he has aged this few days.

"Do you hear me, I hate you." He was saying the words as if he was expecting Shizuo to be sad, but Shizuo was well past the state of being sad because of unrequited affection.

"I know." Shizuo said- almost amused, but still gentle, "I know you hate me. Won't change the fact that I love you."

Shizuo walked to be near Izaya, a big shadow going larger every second- Izaya flinches as he stood behind him. As Shizuo touches his hair and buries his face in it, kissing and smelling the newly washed hair. "Its amusing, Izaya kun, now you smell like me. You don't stink as you used to do." He chuckled.

Izaya's face turned scarlet with mortification, what the hell was Shizuo implying?

"Do you want me to pleasure you? Is it painful- your hardness?" Shizuo continues- his voice lingering as a whisper, sliding his fingers down Izaya's neck, down his chest.

Izaya's skin bristled instinctively- he was turning red to his ears. He hates this feeling. Shizuo should not humiliate him. Shizuo hasn't changed- still the monster he was, Izaya decided, teasing him back, "What- Shizu chan. I know you're the one who wants to do it all along, you're the one who's hard and you're just-"

Shizuo's rough hand had caught hold of his cock- as soon as they touch fiction began to fizz up, and Izaya can't help but moan, begrudgingly. It shouldn't have felt this good. "Shi- aahhh."

Shizuo pushed Izaya's chair as to face him- impatiently- Izaya was indulging his own hardness, panting and looking... very vulnerable. Izaya looked beautiful, he always does. Shizuo had always thought so. So beautiful that he needs to be protected, so beautiful that he needs to be sealed. The black hair has longed considerably, carefully lining the oval face that leaned towards the chair. The most beautiful thing about Izaya had always been his eyes- especially when it starts to sparkle with desire- almost like a flame of a candle lighting up a candelabra, it is so beautiful that it seems sad and lonely.

Yet now- Shizuo could only saw the redness of his emotion- Izaya's scarlet eyes reflected the light- his face so beautifully expressional that he wants to destroy it. Shizuo shuts his eyes- letting the fury came back to him. Ever since that night; Shizuo had meditated daily- day and night, to control his desires, to control his emotions, to control his anger- the wrath and fury was actually easier to handle- it was the sorrow and the regret that was hard to deal with- because he would wake up sweating and feeling worthless.

_Funny you seem so serious about this Shizu chan. You are not aware that nobody could love a monster like you- especially me. You're just a plaything, I don't even care for you. I don't think anyone ever would._

And now he has come so precariously near to damaging the man he hates eternally.

He began to lick Izaya's pink dick- it seems so hard its almost painful. Izaya seemed oblivious to his pain, he kept on calling Shizuo's name, and the only image Shizuo could conjure is those sleepless nights they spent together back when Izaya was still playing with him- they will be fucking all night like love-sick bunnies in their mating season, even more than that. Izaya would kiss him and Izaya would let himself be fucked, the slut he is- and he would tell him in the end, that he doesn't love Shizuo.

Izaya was already at his peak- Shizuo knew when he saw the froth conjuring from the source- Izaya's eyes were opening right now- as if begging for one thing.

_Shizuo, enter me._

Instead Shizuo sucked Izaya's dick forcefully- sucked it as hard as he could. Izaya never did stop moaning Shizuo's name, and tears began to trail down those eyes.

"Shizuo- fuck, Shizuo. Why does-ahh- it feels so good?"

Shizuo sucked him almost dry. Shizuo pinned him to the floor. "Because we belong together, Izaya." Because we're sick, you and I.

Shizuo carried Izaya to the bed, he seemed exhausted. So he tugged him instead to the bed. He himself rushed to the bathroom- he looked at the mirror- saw the dark rings beneath his eyes, haunting him. Puking to the basin, he knew something is wrong with him.

He felt sick.

Not even once did Shizuo ever entered Izaya.

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I know I sucked at writing lemons. Never my forte. Nevermind, enjoy. :). Please read and review.


	7. Chapter 7

Might slightly leans towards Izuo- but nothing definite, don't worry. Its just a lapse, a phase- will go back soon.

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Shit- Shizuo thought, another bout of nausea seizing him. Was the effect really coursing through his veins that fast? He didn't want to think, but looking at the mirror and seeing the lifeless mocha orbs staring back to him did sicken his stomach. The pills he was taking was getting back to him- full force- half of his working memory did recall Shinra's concerned, raspy voice holing itself through his mind, back then. The instructions he didn't care to listen to.

_The pills will boost your concentration, it will do you wonders- I've mixed a few stimulants in the doses. But you should be careful in consuming it- there can be aftereffects. And it can be dangerous. Its an untested drug, Shizuo._

What Shizuo did remember was snatching the pills from Shinra's hand, his eyes gleaming with determination and his voice growling out a voice not quite his. Almost like a beast's growl.

_"I don't care. I'll do what it takes to destroy Izaya."_

_Shinra only let a small purse tug on his lips and says nothing. Because Shizuo had just slammed his fist to destroy his newly bought mahogany desk._

Shizuo had only thought it was fitting. Few sacrifices were required here and there, that's the rule for living, the rule he had come to terms with. It doesn't matter, the twisting pain that caused him almost to double over the ground, because Izaya will experience something worse than this.

The pain Izaya gave him was the one that lurks, the one that makes him feel numb and unable to feel- because when he tries to feel it, it soars like a wound and constricts his chest.

Being rejected was never a new experience for Shizuo- his monstrous power had their own drawbacks. Some people might even envies him for that, but they did not know, the sleepless nights Shizuo had spent worrying lest one day, he should hurt someone he loves. The power was like fire, burning and setting everything ablaze, uncontrollable in its glory. The power was the thing that made him a monster- and what makes it worse was the fact that he did care.

Shizuo himself was a great hypocrite, hating violence- yet, despicable as it is, it grows unto him like an ache of guilt, that whenever he threw someone or something, an undeniable rush of pleasure would made him feel alive, the pleasure that feels like one scratching their own wounds, pressing out the pus and feeling desolate joy at seeing flow out of the skin.

Collapsing against the door of the bathroom, his body crushing with an impact as another bout of pain seized him, he hissed aloud. The sweat was making him drenched, and his heart felt like it was thumping a few miles faster. Izaya was a bag of shit- he knew that so well, yet he can't help but being attracted to him, it was like hating your own shadow and loving it at the same time. Because its a part of you.

Disgusting as it is, he knew that he could relate with Izaya, powerful yet unloved, that no one could come too close to the both of them, and hated Izaya more- because Izaya had a chance, he didn't suffer from this monstrous body that would destroy anything that came too close, Izaya had a chance for warmth and bodily contact, while Shizuo wasn't allowed any of that. He'll break them, leaving bruises and feeling more desolate than before.

It somehow came to Shizuo coming up to the sink and puking all his insides again, before he decided he was doomed. But beggars couldn't be choosers.

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Izaya looked up from his sleep as he heard the click that precedes Shizuo entering his room- Shizuo's room to be exact- his own dark hair messy and tousled and his face flushing from being stark naked. The guilty hand seems to rest on his crotch- yet Shizuo didn't seem to notice.

The blond seems to be pale and tired- and wondered how old Shizuo is, because it seemed as if he had aged a few days from when he had seen him.

Izaya immediately tried to snatch the few blankets to cover himself, and watched as Shizuo's eyes slipped back to consciousness- this time registering the presence- Izaya's presence. It was almost scary- not that Izaya would care to admit it, to not be seen, and yet to be seen.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya calls, his left hand procuring his jacket to cover his body. He raised from his bed and rose to walk closer to Shizuo.

Shizuo's eyes were still not there, they were somewhere else. And another second they focuses back- almost like the lenses of an iris, "Izaya.." He acknowledges.

Izaya slipped his fingers onto Shizuo's cheek, caressing it. He couldn't believe he was doing it, but he was, because it felt right. "Are you alright? You don't look so good."

Shizuo wanted so badly to ask, sneeringly- why do you even care- but swallowed it and managed a smile, a mere meaningless upward tug on his lips. "I'm just dizzy."

Then, against his own volition, Shizuo wobbles a bit and crushes both their body to the bed in a safe landing. He was panting- mildly. His lips was against Izaya's crook of neck. Izaya involuntarily wrapped his shoulders against Shizuo's neck, surprised at Shizuo's lack of balance. His fingers went through the blond mat of hair, the ones he used to kiss back then.

Shizuo shifted uncomfortably, mumbling sorry as he immediately rise from Izaya's body. Their skins had shifted against each other and created a friction, and the heat from Shizuo's body was real. So Izaya yanked him back with his head, and pushed Shizuo back to him.

He needs to confirm it.

And his worst fears were answered.

"Shizu-chan. You're having a fever."

Shizuo didn't answer him, he nuzzled to Izaya's neck, lips tearing to plant a kiss to feel Izaya's skin. Even his lips felt hotter than before.

"God." Izaya grunted. This is a sick man and another second, Shizuo was turning him on again. The man did deserve a prize for turning Izaya on so many times.

"You're a heavy log, you know that- Shizuo?" Izaya said to divert his attention from his bulging cock- instead of stroking his member, he was stroking Shizuo's hair.

"Your fault from being so warm, and soft and kissable." Shizuo retorts back- the pain on his head was searing again. He hugs Izaya and he knew it was false sense of comfort, Izaya did not love him- he never will, but he was too tired to reason with himself, and he thought that he could give this a chance for a night, some kind of a breather episode. And he was too tired to do anything to control himself.

Izaya pushed Shizuo's body softly- he holds one of Shizuo's hand and latched them together with his, his other hand unbuttoning Shizuo's shirt.

"Izaya kun." Shizuo looked at him, his expression a mixture curiosity and mock surprise- a sorry attempt to smirk was lost on his flushed cheeks. "Are you going to rape me?"

"I might." Izaya said- chuckling a bit, he would be lying if he doesn't think that a vulnerable Shizuo looked like a plush target, a second later, he would have his own self reminding himself again, that this is Shizuo- the man he hates. Lately, he seemed to need this kind of remindings more badly than ever. "But first I need to get that clothes off you, Shizu chan. You're burning, literally."

Shizuo's hand was trembling as he held Izaya's- Izaya seemed to notice it, he smirked. This was not part of his plans. He should not be the one who needs to look all vulnerable and helpless.

"Is it pity, Izaya?" Shizuo felt tempted to ask, and before he noticed it, the words came tumbling from his mouth.

Izaya looked at him for a while, "No. I'm just repaying you. I don't like to owe stuffs."

Some part in Izaya's mind had told him to just kill Shizuo- rob him or just leave him alone to die. Yet he knew it would make him feel miserable.

"You're hard, Izaya." Shizuo's eyes just have to looked at the glaring obviousness of Izaya's poor plight. He had to do something to return the control back to his hands. "Do you want me to lick you?"

"Shut up, Shizu-chan." Izaya's voice was venomous. Even though the desire gleams in those scarlet irises. At the last button of Shizuo's shirt, Izaya latched himself to Shizuo's chest and began to lick Shizuo's nipples- pink and ripe to take. Perhaps it was the rigid tension in the air, or the effect of the fever taking over- but Shizuo bit his tongue, though he wanted very badly to groan. As if in ascent to the increasing heat, his crotch seemed to swell in accordance.

"Iza-" Izaya kissed Shizuo's lips and dive through the inside of the crevices- the saliva colliding with each other- before Shizuo managed to protest, his other finger still entertaining Shizuo's taut nipples- causing Shizuo to finally moan. Izaya moaned in unison, as he straddle his hips against Shizuo's, should it really feel this good?

"You're- ah- an awful nurse- Izaya-" Shizuo said amidst the fierce kisses Izaya gave him. Suddenly- as if released from a stupor- his arms pulls Izaya to him, he can't help but exert a little power, as he shifted his positions, and in another second, he was fucking Izaya- hard. He was shoving his dick, against the wet buttocks and Izaya was moaning loudly, this was his victory. He managed to get Shizuo to fuck him.

He was cumming as soon as Shizuo enters him and both of them collapses to the bed in a haze of heat and sweat.

Izaya hugged Shizuo the whole night- a desperate attempt to keep the blond warm and comfortable. Unbeknownst to the sleeping Shizuo, Izaya was kissing his forehead while muttering, "Sorry, Shizu chan."


	8. Chapter 8

Review please!

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Chapter 8- when one has lost their way.

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When Shizuo woke up, his head felt dizzier than ever, his tongue was filled with a foreign, metallic taste peculiarly tasting like blood. His brain immediately bombarded him with questions, which left him with a pang of regret and something very like longing. Izaya was still sleeping, his chest heaving up and down steadily, and the sound of the clock ticking resounded in an echoing manner which makes him feel more horrible. It almost felt like a bad hangover- which was odd, he reminds himself to consult Shinra about the drug's aftereffects, maybe something could be done about it.

He needs to do this thing, so he breathed in and out. This is the final stage of his plan- because if prolonged, it would fail.

The slight movement in the bed put him in guard. Izaya was blinking and stretching as he lets out a yawn, a small, satisfied smirk stretching in his lips. His clothes was so oversized that it looked like he was a twelve years old. Shizuo's stomach clenched.

"Shizu-chan." Izaya said- his voice a bit raspy and hoarse. "I don't think... I could hate you anymore."

For a second, Shizuo's mind stopped thinking. The brain freeze you got when you consumed too much ice cream.

"Its tiring. And you've wrecked my life- and I hated you once. I would like to call it a truce."

Some part of Shizuo would like to agree, to let go of his hatred for a while. But its simply too late, the forgiveness and the hatred, he no longer knew who was fooling who, and who is actually hurting with his plan. But he knew its too late.

"Izaya. I love you. So so much." Shizuo said, chanting it like its some forgotten mantra. His fingers touched Izaya's skin and it delights him how the pale skin would flush so beautifully under his touch. "I'm sure you know that. Nothing in this world could ever change that- not even you being a bitch." His voice had escalated to a fierce growl, it was almost like a denial- he had forgotten about the fake kindness he's supposed to assume- because he knew that he would be the one falling real hard. And the anger just came right out- the old violence he longed to lash out for so long.

"But I hated you too, you know that. Its fucked up and I find myself not caring about it anymore. I hated you but I longed for you." As if by some impulse, his hands flew and throw a punch- the summation of all his hurt on Izaya- the scarlet red dripping steadily at Izaya's cheek. And Izaya looked more surprised than anything.

"Shizu-" His voice croaked. And he looked so fucking pathetic. The bruise was blue and it paints a beautiful mark on Izaya's cheek.

Shizuo laughed. It rang hollow even to his ears. "I should have known it. Our relationships were never flowery or filled with the sick sweetness I would long for, its the kind that's so fucked up and disgusting. God, even now I want to kill you."

"Shizuo-" Izaya's brain couldn't really process what had happened. Shizuo had flipped.

"I enjoyed it, Izaya. When you were fucked by some random guy, because that's just the kind of bitch you were. And you were crying, begging- you pretend like you hated it, when you loved it, you little piece of slut." Shizuo enjoyed the rage, he had hold on to this for far too long- suppressed far too much. But something- something about how Izaya suddenly looked so shrunken and small and hurt still managed to move his pity. God damn his pity, though.

Izaya's eyes were hot and watery and all of a sudden, he looked very cold. His defenses were put up again. "Shizu-chan. You really are a bitch. I should have known you had planned it." His fingers touched the mattress as if for support, and it was trembling out of- what? Anger? Sadness? Disappointment? "I fucking hate. you. No one could love you, Shizu chan." But he knew it was a lie. He rose up to leave but an iron grip had clutched his arm, painful and strong.

Shizuo hugged him from behind, trailing soft, feathery kisses on his neck. And Izaya finds himself bristle- lust piling up that his throat hurts and the chest that seem like it could burst anytime. "Don't leave me, Izaya. I would be alone without you."

"Shizu-chan." Izaya hates how it seemed like he was about to break, and how he still hopes for more when he hear Shizuo speaks. "I-"

Shizuo grabbed him and kissed him, his mouth jostling into Izaya's without any pretension- that was what he had admitted- desire, lust and love.

But the voice that came after was like an icepick, harmless yet so painful. "Look, you really are a bitch. You will do it with everyone, won't you? Its so easy to stop you, cause your dick is hard." Izaya hates how Shizuo played with his dick, and how it got wet so fast with just a touch.

"You'll do it with everyone, a good fuck, right? That's what you're aiming for." Shizuo was kissing Izaya's cheek, and licking its surface while his hands were busy massaging Izaya's dick.

"Shizu-ah..." Hot tears were gathered around Izaya's eyes, and it took all his might to grit his teeth to stop it from flowing. "Shizuo-"

He was clutching Shizuo's shirt and the hard on was really painful and he realized he couldn't have it anymore.

"I'm sorry- Shizuo. Please, I'm sorry for all the stuffs I had done. Please. I- I care for you. Can we start from the very beginning? Just the two of us?"

If Shizuo had showed satisfaction, he had concealed it very well. He kissed Izaya's forehead softly and let him cum.

When Izaya had token it as a positive sign and landed his head on Shizuo's chest- huffing and hopeful, that's when he answered.

"Yeah. I think we should stop the game and start with something serious. I should stop loving you, Izaya. I think I've gotten bored of you." The words were mechanical and slow- as if it was supposed to drill itself cruelly to Izaya's mind. "I'm getting married."

Shizuo buried his face on Izaya's hair- he sounds oddly tired. "I'll return everything, your mansion- your previous job. And that's it. We're not going to meet ever again."

"So that we both can move on with our hatred." Shizuo cups Izaya's face slowly, treasuring the way the light had went out of Izaya's eyes. The scarlet dimming to a hazed brown. "I can say this for once, I loved you, Orihara Izaya. But I've learned to stop loving you."

He left a soft, chaste kiss on the chapped dry lips as a parting gift.

And for the first time in his life- Izaya felt empty.


End file.
